
Be strong and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord.
-Psalm 31:24
Our minds are incredible for the things they can dream, imagine, and create. On the other side of the coin, if we do not learn to control the mind or build its endurance, we can sometimes find ourselves frustrated in a mental prison that controls how we think, feel, and act.
While all human emotions are complex, fear and worry are two of the most gripping. Few others can keep me up at night. These are the two that have stopped me from living. The ones that made me say “no” when I wanted to say “yes”. The ones that prevented me from welcoming growth and change, and by default, sometimes delayed my blessings.
In the past, I used to bring these fears and worries to everyone and anyone who would listen. I would weigh my thoughts and fears on friends and family members over and over again. A few things I learned from doing this were that everyone is struggling with their own things. Monopolizing interpersonal conversations with my fear and worry doesn’t help me solve the problem. It just keeps me mentally stuck in it, reliving the same thoughts and feelings over and over again. I also learned the hard way that not everyone has the space and capacity to safeguard your fears and anxieties.
Keeping emotions inside can start to present in other ways in the body. So when I found I couldn’t talk to others around me as openly and freely as I wanted to all the time, I struggled with how to release these emotions. Grabbing drinks after work or going for a run whenever the heavy-hitting emotions arose, and I couldn’t properly spew them out. What else do you do with them besides numb them or block them out? Physically exhaust the body so much that you cannot even think at all, or dull the mind so you can get some reprieve.
It hadn’t dawned on me that I could bring them to God. I’m not sure why it took so long for me to realize I could pray about it. Honestly, God was the only one who could do anything about it anyway, especially if my problems were stemming from outside factors, which most of the time they were. I think what often frustrated me was that when I prayed, I could not always get an immediate response. I wanted to know then and there, and clearly, I could do something about the issue at hand, even if I never acted on the advice given.
I was always trying to do something to resolve the issue. Always trying to control the outcome, and it was wearing me out. I struggled to let go and let God. It’s something I work on every single day. My avoidance of prayer stemmed, I think, from that place inside of me that needed to know how to fix everything in the now. The prideful part that wanted to handle and hold the situation. If I prayed, let it go, and didn’t like the outcome, or didn’t feel like I could see what God was doing, it bothered me.
I hear David’s intimate prayer. At its core are themes of fear and worry about what one may have to come up against. There’s a sense of the unknown and a need for strength for whatever the journey ahead might bring. There's a request to protect against enemies and a willingness to trust that in challenging moments, God will provide.
Musical Reflection - Wait for the Lord - Taizé ADEM EN ONS
Holy One, Give me courage to wait with assurance that you are as near as my own heart. Amen
Login To Leave Comment