Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”
-Isaiah 30:20-21
There was a time when we were taught that humankind earned a life of hard work on a diet of the bread of adversity and water of affliction along with pain in childbirth. It was the accountability part of The Lord God kicking us out of the Garden of Eden. In my thirties, I felt singled-out with this adversity and affliction thing. I struggled to break free of the headwinds of adversity. Why me? I spent a lot of time soul-shouting into the wind, certain there was a bargain I had failed to make with God.
The vague construct I used to explain my burdened life was that somehow, I got my wheels in a rut on the wrong road and it was keeping me from traveling Easy Street that was parallel to the one I was on. It was a road I was certain I deserved. I could see it; all my peers were on it, just one block over. I compared their journey to mine. They had the breeze of good fortune at their backs. I was sure of it. Over time, I concluded that alcohol was the way to get into the HOV lane with my peers. Good thing, too; because I found the 12-step life in my relative youth.
One warm Saturday, after a regular morning AA-meeting, I was sitting on a bench in the Guilford, Connecticut Green with my sponsor, Herb. We were thoughtfully nursing Dreamsicles we both had bought at Page Hardware. We were talking about the AA 11th step: “Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.”
I confessed to Herb that I really didn’t know how to discern, in any given moment, what was the will of God? I continuously worried I would get it wrong. Herb paused mid-reverie with his Dreamsicle. After a moment of silence, he asked me to write on the paper he required I bring to all AA meetings, the five top concerns about which I worried the most -- the ones for which I sought to know the will of God. Herb finished his ice cream while I wrote. When I finished my list, he took the paper, folded it, and put it in his shirt pocket without reading it. Still, without speaking, he took out his gold and black, Mont Blanc fountain pen, the one I coveted, and wrote on his now naked popsicle stick.
Herb said, with gravitas in his voice, “We’re going to make a trade. I will take your list and I solemnly promise to worry about your five quandaries for you for one week. You will be totally free of them. Trust me; I have this.” He handed me the popsicle stick and said, “In return, you will find this in the Bible. Read it five times every day this week. You will read it until it is a part of you…make it your mantra. Next Saturday I will give you back your list.”
It took me the week to realize the conceit of Herb worrying for me, let alone the folly of entertaining worry at all, full stop. On the popsicle stick, Herb had written, “ISAIAH 30:21”
My teacher Herb was hidden no more, nor a lifetime of teachers thereafter. It is always a matter of releasing the worry and listening for the Voice that never ceases. It is enfleshed in God-sent teachers who stand before us. Put your arms around them and hold them close. When God anoints, be one.
Musical Reflection - Be thou my vision - John Rutter, The Cambridge Singers, City of London Sinfonia
Holy Spirit, Teacher, Tutor; thank you for your loving Voice, always breathing your will into our ears. Keep our worry-lists in your shirt pocket with a wry smile, while we listen for you. And when we stumble, thank you for your compassion to pick us up saying, “Try again, my beloved.” Amen.
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