Who should we forgive today?

16Jul
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts,
As we also have forgiven our debtors.
  And do not bring us to the time of trial,
But rescue us from the evil one.
For if you forgive others their trespasses,
your heavenly Father will also forgive you; but if you do not forgive others,
neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

-Matthew 6: 11-15


Several years ago, I attended a recovery ministry conference at the Solomon Conference Center in Robert, Louisiana facilitated by Sister Cathy Cahill. The weekend theme was “Forgiveness.” I could relate to Sister Cahill’s definition of forgiveness. She explained that it was a process whereby, with God’s help, we are willing to let go of the hurt, resentments, judgments, grudges, anger, or desire for revenge. She explained the concepts of “willingness,” of “letting go” and what constituted a “hurt.” 

 

As to what forgiveness is not, it is not forgetting, excusing, minimizing, or condoning. It is not surrendering our right to justice or continuing to put up with intolerable or abusive behavior. Forgiving may not remove all the negative feelings we have towards our offender. Forgiveness is not reconciliation as reconciliation takes two people and is not always possible and sometimes is not even desirable. Forgiveness is unilateral and I can make the decision to forgive (with God’s help).


As to the Why? We forgive because God tells us to forgive as in the above passage from Matthew. We forgive each other because we have been forgiven. We forgive because it is good for our physical and emotional health. Studies show that forgiveness and love have the power to heal our bodies and cure diseases. If we do not forgive, we stay stuck, don’t grow or heal and our offender remains in control of our emotional, spiritual, and physical lives.


Why don’t we forgive? It is difficult and takes time, effort, and patience. Perhaps we have not accepted God’s forgiveness, or we have not forgiven ourselves. We think forgiveness is for the other person or we enjoy playing the victim, the wronged one and it makes us feel superior.


Many years ago, I was “let go” (i.e., fired) from a job. I had a big resentment against my boss and could not see my part in the termination. After months of being stuck, I finally got sick and tired of being sick and tired about the issue and the person. I prayed for guidance and wrote my former boss a letter expressing my hurt, anger, disappointment, and pain. In a ritual, I set the letter on fire and watched the ashes float away. Afterwards, I felt a new freedom and new sense of peace. The inner work of letting go freed me of the burden of this resentment. I also had a clearer picture of reality and the part I played in contributing to the situation.


So, who do we need to forgive today? In taking the action, we are choosing to bring more light and less darkness into the world and make it a little more peaceful and loving. This is sacred, healing work and with God’s grace, this forgiveness process can free us from being controlled by others and from self-destructive behaviors. 


Musical Reflection- The Lord's Prayer - Malotte - Andrea Bocelli, Matteo Bocelli

Loving God, Help me let go of the hurt I feel toward (________________ ). Help me to grow in the forgiveness of myself and others. Amen. 

Forgiveness

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