“No medicine is more valuable, none more efficacious, none better suited to the cure of all our temporal ills than a friend to whom we may turn for consolation in time of trouble, and with whom we may share our happiness in time of joy.”
On Spiritual Friendship -Aelred of Rievaulx, Abbot and Theologian, 1167
Friends, welcome to my caffeinated monkey brain that is operating in overdrive as I sit down to write this meditation…
My husband and I spent a good chunk of 2025 watching the Last Kingdom and listening to The Rest is History podcast focused on the Kings of the Anglo-Saxons and the unification of England under Athelstan. This all took place about 100 years before Aelred of Rievaulx, whose feast day we celebrate today. I say this only to provide the meaningless context to you, dear reader, that when I read the name Aelred, I hear it in my head with heavy English or Scottish brogue and picture a man who looks like actor Alexander Dreymon in character (pictured).
So this is the inside of my brain as I started to read more about Aelred Of Rievaulx (say it with your best Scottish brogue).
Aelred was a Cistercian monk living in the early 1100s in north England. He is best known for his work, On Spiritual Friendship, a treatise on friendship as a sacred practice that, at its best, is seeing and celebrating Christ in one another. The nature of friendship has been top of mind for me as I just participated in a lovely course at Trinity focused on Female Friendship, facilitated by Lisa Tompkins and Maria Elliott. The course was a sacred space to discuss Biblical women and the character traits they embodied and how these relate to friendship. These include traits like courage, joy, truth-telling, and nurturance. I haven’t read Aelred’s Spiritual Friendship but I wager that he touches on these characteristics as well.
One thing I loved about the class was listening to participants reflect openly about their own friendships and how the deep, lasting ones were truly sacred and Christ-filled. My own relationship with my best friend reflects this. The only way I can describe the bond, the rich tapestry of 35 years of shared experience, the tears and laughter and quiet presence, is by using sacred language. I am certain that she sees me as Christ sees me and vice versa. And so, it follows, that Christ must be present in the bond we share.
One could, and many have, spend time intellectually picking at Aelred and the classical writings, like Cicero and Augustine that influenced him, and how they are female-excluding. Or extrapolating that Aelred may have been homosexual given the fervency with which he discussed close male relationships within the monastic order. But let’s not. At least not today.
Instead, I invite you to spend ten minutes thinking about your nearest and dearest friend. Consider how your friendship has Christ-elements within it. Give thanks for the miracle of this friendship. And send your friend a note. A letter. An email. A text. Let them know how very much you love them and are grateful for the way they have shown up as the embodiment of Christ in your life.
Musical Reflection - You've God a Friend - Carole King and James Taylor
Grant to your people, Almighty God, a spirit of mutual affection; that, following the example of your servant Aelred of Rievaulx, we might know the love of Christ in loving one another; through the same Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever. Amen.
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